Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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