What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize