Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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