im drinking this country out of the recession.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize