Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
