You're completely useless in the revolution.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
