I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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