I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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