have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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