I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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