The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
