how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
