I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize