I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
