whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
