just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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