Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
