OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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