I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
