Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
3 2 1 whiskey
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
