This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
