I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
