Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
