all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize