btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
