Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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