I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
