Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
