I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
