Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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