Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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