Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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