there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
