Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
