I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
