Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
