Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
