4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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