i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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