On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
