I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
