We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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