whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
