His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
