Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
