you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
