Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
