So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
