just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
