OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
