I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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