No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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