Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just high enough for therapy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize