A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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