there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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