its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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