just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
