Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
