hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
