either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
