I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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