dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
