The maid of honor just puked.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
