Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
