Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
