Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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