am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
