The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
