Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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