I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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