Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
