I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
