I wish I could teleport
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
