Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He shit in the fireplace
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
