This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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