i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
