Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
