i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
