My hair reeks of homosexuality.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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