the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
