this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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