Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
