You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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