the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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