My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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