Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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