At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
