I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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