he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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