I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize