i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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