i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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