Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
