I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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