college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
