I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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