Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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