i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
