We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
