just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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