Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
