the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
