I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
