it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
