you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
