Moan for me like Helen Keller
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
