Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
