someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
