So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Come share oat with me in your robe
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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